Buddha Baby

If someone was to ask me to describe our second son, Grant in one word it would be determined. He came into our lives one year ago and he has been without a doubt the most determined and focused child I have ever seen. If he wants something he will get it. He wanted to climb the stairs so badly, so before he could even crawl he flung himself up the stairs and pulled and pulled until he reached the top. He yearned to eat regular pieces of food so after staring us down at the table like a lion hunting it’s prey I gave in and at six months old he was eating pancakes. At eleven months he was eating everything and anything he is handed.

In exchange for his focus and determination he also gives us smiles, small noises, large hugs, and sloppy kisses. He rarely cries and has been that way since birth unless he is hungry or tired and he may or may not have gotten that trait from me. 😉

Every day that Grant wakes up from his afternoon nap before his big brother, Nolan he happily plays with toys until he gets tired of just playing by himself or with me. He makes his way up the stairs (like a boss) and heads straight for Nolan’s room. He then pounds on the door as if he’s calling him out to play. He gets upset when we move him away from the door like we’re crushing his dreams. This hasn’t just happened once or twice this occurs Every. Single. Day. He knows what he wants and he will find a way to get it.

He is a very large child weighing in at a whopping 28 pounds and towering over other children his age but he is calm and peaceful. Grant is for lack of a better word, content. He is happy whether he is playing “cabinet inspector” or out for a walk around the neighborhood. Our big boy is incredibly strong and has earned his nickname given to him by his daddy, “Doctor Banner”, as in The Incredible Hulk.

He has a favorite pastime of trying to tear apart books, particularly Nolan’s books which might as well be in a shrine (if you asked Nolan at least). This hobby continues at the Y nursery where he watches the child care worker until she turns her head and then shoots for the bookcase at lightning speed (crawling) and attempts to pull them down. They are constantly telling me stories of his failed missions. This doesn’t surprise me at all, we are in trouble when he starts walking!

Grant is an absolute pleasure to have as a child and despite his hunger for adventure (think, trying to go down the stairs head first) he is our sweet Buddah baby. He brings peace and happiness to all that know and love him and I have a feeling that he will continue this for many years to come. Happy First Birthday Grant-a-saurous! Mommy, Daddy, and Nolan love you!

“That Mom”

There are many kinds of parents, the easy going ones, the screamers, the over reactors and then there’s “that mom”. Guess what? That’s ME!! I’m the mom that puts a lot of faith in my two year old. I trust him enough to let Nolan (said two year old) play on his own for upwards of 15 minutes while I rock and feed Grant in the baby’s room without having a worry that he is up to no good. He rarely touches things that he’s not supposed to. Nolan listens very well and is a very well behaved child.

“That mom” is the type of mother who doesn’t gasp when the children fall down and sometimes doesn’t even worry unless he/she is crying. If there are tears then there is a boo boo. “That mom” laughs at her kids on a daily basis. Not pointing and laughing AT them but come on sometimes they do things that you have to wonder if they even used their brains beforehand.

This brings me to this evening; while I was trying to get Grant to fall asleep in his room Nolan was playing in the living room. All was good until I hear some strange noises and then crying, followed by more crying. Nolan was already tired and had been carrying on all afternoon about this or that. I assumed that he was crying about another wheel falling off of his tow truck (yes, another). I put Grant down and turned the corner to find Nolan sitting stuck in Grant’s bouncer seat with both legs in one of the holes. He was just pissed that he wasn’t able to move. So “that mom” starts laughing and of course snaps a photo to cherish the moment. Yes, I’m “that mom”. I took him out immediately after laughing and taking the photo. Enjoy…I am still laughing!

House of Germs

Saturday started out like most but I had a big day planned for myself and the boys. I was going to feed them, throw together a chicken marinade, make a new Pinterest dessert recipe that was supposed to taste like the Pay Day candy bar and then head to the gym. After working out we were going to meet up with my sister and my niece at a little craft fair of sorts called the Honeybee Festival in downtown Kernersville. Then grab lunch, play at the playground and head home for naps. That was when I was going to whip up a quinoa Mac and cheese with zucchini and a salad. My battle buddy and good friend Beth was going to come over for dinner and drinks or a “lady date” if you will. Those were the plans.

I was SO exhausted Friday night I knew something was up and when I got up in the middle of the night to feed the baby I could feel my throat scorching. I refilled my 28 ounce water glass for the third time at four AM and returned to bed. When I woke to the sounds of Grant “calling out” to me two hours later I struggled to get out of bed. Nonetheless there’s no lally gagging when you have children.

Ten minutes later Grant was with me in the kitchen watching me whirl around and prepare both his breakfast and Nolan’s. Then as planned I fed them and still with high hopes for some well needed adult time I marinated the chicken and made the dessert (yummy by the way).

At this point my throat was SO sore it felt like I had been singing at a concert the night before. My head was pounding and my nose was starting to not only to run but also create a disgusting drip into my already hurting throat. I was ready to crawl back to bed. If I didn’t have kids I would’ve instantly gotten on the phone and canceled all plans and then slept peacefully until I woke up on my own. Instead I made the decision to give Beth the heads up about my symptoms still planning to host our date. Being the good friend that she is, she gave me the a-okay to reschedule and I took her up on that a few hours later but I was not happy about it.

My sister also gave me the option to cancel our plans but I really wanted to take the boys to the playground and fresh air is always good medicine (minus the pollen). So after skipping the gym we met up with Anita and her daughter Natalie (Lala) and went to the honeybee festival. We walked around for just over an hour and headed to lunch. After letting the kids play we all headed home. The three of us napped. The more accurate description for what I did was passed out.

My friend Jen (the one I wrote the post about, An Angel Among Us) stopped by my house with some groceries she had picked up for me. This lady is 23 weeks pregnant had just worked 9 1/2 hours on her feet and offered to take grant for me while Nolan continued to sleep. Angel, yes!!! So she went home changed and returned to grab Grant and I quickly passed out again. About an hour and a half later she returned my baby and I counted down the hours until bed time.

The boys never give me too much trouble with bed time so I was relieved to make some Theraflu and hit the sack just a short time after they did. About 15 minutes into my deep drug induced sleep Grant woke up hysterically crying. He has been teething and I’m not talking about one tooth coming in here and there, he’s had four teeth come in the past two weeks. This poor baby has got to be in so much pain. I have him some Tylenol and rocked him while trying to keep my eyelids open. He finally fell back to sleep two hours later. I went back only to be woken up again two hours later and we stayed up for two more hours. Then asleep for one hour, back up for one hour. Back to sleep for one more pitiful hour. I did the math so you don’t have to but that is a grand total of four hours (and 15 minutes if that really counts) of well needed sleep. Great way to start sick day #2.

I’m not going to bore you to death with how many tissues I went through or how many cough drops I consumed. Day two I was super sick and Nolan was cranky but Grant slept well so I was able to take a nap. I also spent the day doing a lot of laundry, changing sheets, switching out Grant’s wardrobe. I found that every time I would sit down to rest I would realize just how crappy I felt. So, I stayed busy. Right after dinner Jen, her husband Justin, and their son James came over to watch the boys while I rested for a bit. Have i mentioned that I love them?! That night Grant decided that sleep wasn’t important either.

That brings us to today, woke up feeling horrible yet again and fed Grant while Nolan slept until seven AM. He woke up and was sick. Wonderful. Poor boy had a fever and simply refused to eat. When my toddler is sick, my philosophy is to let him do whatever he wants. Today he wanted to sit/lay on the couch and watch the movie Cars (big shocker) and take a bubble bath (fine by me). Instead of viewing today as a sick day I saw it as a chance to spend some extra one on one time with both boys. Grant did quite a bit of sitting, “crawling”, and a TON of eating. Nolan and I read books and played cars and because he has now viewed those movies 3,689 times he told me what was going to happen before it happened. Kind of cute in the obsessive sort of way.

I still feel craptastic but it’s just a cold and hopefully by the time my little alarm clocks ring in the morning we will all feel better and be able to spend tomorrow playing outside. For now, everyone should stay clear of our house of germs or you too will get sick!

Anticipation

When I was eight years old we moved from Bedford Hills, New York to New Milford, Connecticut. We also moved farther away from our grandparents. Where once we were able to see them multiple times a week we would drive the hour plus to see them at least once a month. It seemed like it took forever to get there but the ride home always flew by. I’ll never forget my mom saying that it was the anticipation that made time feel like that. Without a doubt this is how I’m feeling today about Dave’s return home. I’m filled with anticipation.

I definitely realize how quickly time goes by because this year seems to have flown (with a few days/weeks dragging on). Dave will be coming home in just a blink of an eye and my feelings are all over the place. Of course it goes without saying that I’m overloaded with happiness but there are a few other things floating around my mind and heart.

I’m nervous. I have the first date jitters and butterflies in my stomach which I’m sure will only increase as his arrival approaches but for now I feel like I’m just filled with nervous energy.

For those of you that don’t know my husband has been in Afghanistan with a road side clearance company. Their main purpose was to find bombs and take care of them. I may have a few details off here because I believe that ignorance is bliss when it comes to my knowledge of the war zone. I do know that my husband had three (maybe two) loaded weapons strapped to him at all times and had to be on constant alert 24 hours a day. So here is where some of my nervous jitters come in. Nolan is clumsy, plain and simple. He trips a lot, he drops toys quite a few times a day and makes some weird noises with said toys. I know that Dave will jump for the first few weeks when hearing some of these different sounds. It is bound to happen. I’m nervous about my soldier coming home and transitioning to a father and husband to little miss Suzy homemaker. I have grown a lot in the past year as has Dave. We will have an eight month old son who has primarily seen me as his care taker. He doesn’t have any stranger danger so I’m not too worried about Grant taking right to Dave. After all he is Grant’s daddy. Not all of the men coming home are the fathers of the wive’s kids (just had to mention that because I think it is an absolute disgrace and a completely disrespectful thing to do to your deployed spouse). It’s not my place to call them out but behavior like that is unacceptable in my book and I could never fathom doing that. Enough said.

Anyway, Dave will have to transition to being the father to two children and I’m sure he will do this with flying colors. He accepts and deal with change like a champion. Plus we have MANY exciting events happening in the near future. We will be upgrading our car to a mini van, judge away but I’m excited about this. Yes, I did say that I would never own one but then I actually drove one and they are nice! They have enough room for our mammoth sized children and all of the kid crap that comes with having a brood. We will be going to rescue a puppy or dog and adding him/her to our family. I am incredibly excited about this since I miss our dog Schatzy every single day and our home is not the same without a pooch.

One of my very best friends, Kelcey will be visiting us and we have planned on going to a Renaissance fair, haunted houses, hay rides, and just having a great visit with her.

Dave and I are also going on a short but exciting vacation to St. Thomas in October. We never went on a honeymoon and I consider this as our post deployment honeymoon. We can reconnect without the stresses of everyday life. I’m REALLY looking forward to getting away for a few days and relaxing!!

I guess all in all I just have anticipation about his return and some worry. Will we have the same great relationship that we did before he left? Will I freak out because now someone else is in the house taking up room, doing things that I’m used to doing? Will I be negative and judgmental about the way he takes care of the kids because it’s not the way I do it? I know I will need to back off a bit and let him adjust as we will have to adjust too. I also know that the moment he steps off the plane Nolan will totally forget that I am here and not leave Daddy’s side. I’m a bit heartbroken even thinking that but I know it’s true and that’s ok. As long as I get some one on one time with all three of my guys I’ll be happy.

I know things will work out the way they are supposed to but I really needed to get these emotions out of my head and “onto paper”. I feel so much better now although I think I may need some chocolate. 🙂

Silence on the Lido Deck

This morning I woke up to a darkened room, a silent house and an alarm clock that read 7:10. In my world this is a rarity as I usually am taken from my dreams by noises from one of the boys waiting for their “rescue” from bed by at least 6:30. I counted my luck as I quickly ran downstairs and flipped on the coffee maker wishing to enjoy one cup before our crazy morning routine began. No such luck.

If you were to meet me or even see me at a wedding you would possibly think I was part of the band or maybe the wife of the DJ because of the amount of time I spend on the dance floor. If I’m not on the dance floor (or at the bar) I’m trying to recruit people out on the dance floor. Why you ask? Because in my mind there is nothing better then dancing! I feel people will enjoy themselves more if they spend their time shaking their groove thang. Some people don’t like to dance, this is a complete lie in my mind. They are just worried about what other people will think, honestly. I do not understand this at all. It’s dancing, it’s a reflection of a mood and who cares what you look like as long as you’re having a good time and enjoying yourself while doing it?! Anyway, this leads me (and others) to believe that I spend my time making sure those around me are happy or at least enjoying their days. It’s true that the job that would be most suited to my personality would be the captain of the lido deck on a cruise line. I am highly organized and want people to enjoy themselves…sounds great right. That is not a job i want, the high seas are not for me. This being said there are some days I just want to be surrounded in silence.

I am not always a social butterfly, some days when the kids go to bed I don’t even turn on the tv or the music because I just need some time spent in complete peace and quiet. This is something I truly miss about Dave being home, the silence we can share together. We both don’t feel the need to fill the gaps in conversation with senseless noise or words that don’t have meaning behind them. We can sit side by side and be happy with the silent moments we share. We also can talk and talk for hours but it’s says more about our friendship and marriage for us to be in the calm of it all. I’m excited to experience all this again soon. Im also excited at the prospect of Dave taking the boys out of the house and I can be surrounded by silence at home and not just when I’m exhausted or sleeping.

This brings me back to our morning…it has been gently raining since last night and so as I was impatiently waiting for the first cup of joe I was thinking how nice today would be if it were coated in silence. Of course as this delicious thought flitted through my mind I hear Nolan playing with this “babies” upstairs. So I swing into the routine of getting his breakfast ready, getting the baby’s breakfast ready, setting up my coffee mug and attempting to call the cat inside for his tasty morsels.

I leave my still empty coffee mug on the counter and go and get Nolan up from his bed, change his diaper and read him a short book per his request. As all of this is happening Grant rouses and informs me through his coos that he is also ready to join us. We trek into G’s room and change his diaper, his clothes and remove his braces. Then head into the kitchen for the mass chaos that always escorts any meal here. Of course after putting Grant into the high chair, putting milk into Nolan’s cereal and finally pouring my coffee into the mug I sit down to feed these boys. At the exact moment my butt hits the bench the cat jumps up into the window behind my head and starts to meow. Since it’s still raining I get up and let him in and sit down once again to assist. Nolan is normally very independent but since Grant has been eating three meals a day all spoon fed by Mama, Nolan has reverted back to”needing help” eating. I sit in between them and take turns spooning mouthfuls of food into them. Of course the cat has to meow every other minute to tell me that he is now done and wants back out (mind you we are only five minutes in). I do not jump up at his annoying request I continue feeding the kids. Nolan is now repeatedly stating “Cat meow” in my ear and Grant is happily mashing some bananas in his mouth. I finally comply to the cat’s request and let him out. As soon as I sit down my phone buzzes and Dave has hopped online to chit chat on Facebook’s messenger. Lord have mercy, silence is not going to happen today for me. I tell him we are having breakfast but since he has never experienced the craziness with his own two eyes he doesn’t really get that it is just not the best time for me to pick up the phone and type. He says he is off for dinner and I continue doing what mama does best. The whole meal I silently hoped and prayed that these children would learn to love peace and calm as much as their parents do in the remaining 15 minutes of breakfast.

Shockingly this did not happen and now here we are over an hour later crashing cars into each other, playing music and of course making noise. Oh how I crave a bit of silence. Maybe I’ll sneak into the bathroom for a minute and cross my fingers that no one joins me…

Sweat and Years

Yesterday was our son Nolan’s second birthday and was the tenth holiday that my husband has missed. I didn’t cry on Halloween or Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years. Not on my birthday or Dave’s, not even on the day our second son Grant was born but yesterday, I cried. I just finished running a few intense uphill miles at the gym and flipped my phone over and saw my husband and got so overwhelmed with emotion that I hid my face in my sweaty towel and let the tears fall.

It’s a strange feeling letting go in such a public place but I think my tears camouflaged themselves well with my sweat. I honestly can’t say why I finally cried but I felt a bit better afterwards. I know that a some of the tears probably had to do with the fact that I drove my mom to the airport yesterday morning and therefore went back to my single living. She helped me out so much I can’t even express how much. It was so nice having someone else here to help with cooking, cleaning, and most importantly taking care of the squirtlets. Nolan misses her and I know this because he keeps running around looking in rooms for her.

Anyway, I found myself on the melancholy side yesterday and missing my husband extra. We only have a few smaller holidays to get through and then he will be home! I know this post doesn’t have to do with too much but I needed to put my feelings “down on paper”. Today I’m feeling a lot more like my optimistic self knowing that we have less than a half year left. I’m heading out for a walk around my neighborhood with my boys and a close friend of mine…looks like things are really back to normal.